Why do I want to talk about anger and boundaries? Because I see my clients, mainly women, battling with this. All. of. The. time.
we look after others emotional needs, ignoring our own
we hold the responsibility for other people's needs
we don’t want to disappoint others
we repress healthy anger
How much of this sounds familar to you, and/or for the woman you know????
Let's dive deeper for a sec...
The role of healthy anger is to defend your boundaries.
Healthy anger says you are in my space. Get out.
We're wired for it. Our brains are wired for healthy anger. All animals have it to protect their boundaries; so the role of anger is to protect your boundaries.
And how many women do we see struggling to set boundaries, people-pleasing, taking on too much, burnt out, exhausted etc?
At some point, if someone crossed those boundaries, we got hurt.
And if it wasn’t safe to experience and express that anger at the time about that - and it’s often not as children because we need to stay attached to those taking care of us, we literally depend on them - so if you can’t do anything about it, you would repress the anger.
Ask yourself what happens to anger that is repressed? It doesn't evaporate. It doesn't dissolve.
It turns against you in the forms of shame and self-loathing.
It turns into your inner critic.
(and if you didn't see it, I have a new FREE inner critic resource that can help you with this. You can grab it for free here).
And more.
Here’s a gentle invitation to meet our inner anger with loving arms
(and ask for help with this if needed, meeting your inner anger can be too much in one go/on your own for many. I say this as someone who has met and befriended my inner anger recently! Maybe 1:1 in my IFS sessions is an option for you?).
This is a BIG DEAL.
I am not someone who would EVER have described myself as an 'angry' child, teenager or woman. And yet, there is was, waiting for me. In the depths of all of my boundary-less experience.
Setting boundaries is about un-repressing anger.
Un-repressing anger is about our health.
Our health is about how we experience life.
And I’d love more of that for you.
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