The Myth of Willpower - an IFS Perspective

Here's a deeply ingrained belief that many of us share: that willpower alone is the key to achieving our fitness and wellness goals. You might have heard phrases like “just push through,” or “if you want it bad enough, you’ll make it happen.”

It's not just an individual thing - it's systemic, in our schools, politics and businesses.

While determination is certainly valuable, relying solely on willpower can lead to frustration and feelings of inadequacy. Instead of a singular force, let’s unravel the tapestry of our inner selves with the help of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy.

Willpower is often viewed as a kind of superpower that allows us to resist temptation, stick to our plans, and maintain those gym routines we promised ourselves. However, willpower is not limitless. It can be depleted, just like a battery that requires recharging. Research suggests that relying too heavily on willpower can lead to burnout and self-sabotage.

Enter Internal Family Systems therapy, IFS for short. Developed by Richard Schwartz, IFS says that rather than having a single, unified self, we possess multiple "parts" that represent different aspects of our personalities and experiences. You might recognise this when we say things like 'part of me feels really excited about ____, but part of me is worried'.

These parts can include everything from our hopes and aspirations to our fears and insecurities. Understanding this framework can help us see that our struggles with willpower may be less about sheer determination and more about the complex dynamics within ourselves.

In IFS, every "part" serves a purpose. Each one can emerge based on our emotional landscapes, especially when we encounter challenges. Let’s look at a few common parts that might influence your fitness and wellness (or any other!!) journey:

1. The Achiever: This part is driven and focused, pushing you toward your goals with a sense of determination. It's the one that sets early morning alarms for workouts and encourages healthy meal prep. However, it can be harsh and competitive, leading to frustration when things don’t go as planned.

2. The Procrastinator: This part may lead to procrastination or avoidance behaviors, such as reaching for comfort food instead of a healthy choice, feeling frozen, numb or distracted. It often wants to ensure you don’t feel vulnerable or disappointed, and protects you from 'failing'.

3. The Critic: Often a voice from the past, this part may perpetuate feelings of inadequacy. It might say, “You’re not doing enough,” or “You’ll never achieve your goals.” This voice can be demoralizing, setting you up for a cycle of guilt and shame.

4. The Free Spirit: This part craves joy and spontaneity. Sometimes, it conflicts with the Achiever and the Critic, ruling over your choices and leading you to indulge in behaviors that might feel good in the moment but don’t align with your long-term wellness goals.

Understanding these parts is crucial as it helps to illuminate why sheer willpower may not work alone. Instead of battling with these inner voices, IFS teaches us to engage with them compassionately. What if, rather than suppressing the Avoider, we gave it a voice and listened to its concerns? Understanding its fears can help us negotiate a path that satisfies all parts of ourselves.

By recognizing and embracing the different parts of ourselves (and oftentimes this is easier with a little help), we foster a more balanced approach to fitness and wellness.

It’s not about willpower; it’s about self-compassion, understanding, and a willingness to negotiate within our internal family.

You might still need to commit to your goals, but this commitment can be softened and enriched by accepting where you are right now, with all your imperfections and strengths.

The myth of willpower tells us that change should be easy if we are determined enough. The truth, when seen through the lens of Internal Family Systems therapy, is that real growth involves integrating all parts of ourselves in a gentle dance.

We all know how to push, do, work, strive more.

We all know the costs to that.

So the next time you approach your health goals, remember: it’s not merely about pushing harder; it’s about understanding and embracing your beautiful complexity.

That's what we mean when we say our approach is compassion-first.

It's what we base all our sessions on - whether it's an IFS or a Strength session.

Try an intro session with us here, or an IFS session here.